justspeakyourword

I'm writing because to me writing is theoroputic and it's good for me so here goes nothing. So by now from my previous entry I'm not a very good at relationships and have always had the situations play out because I really wasn't honest with myself about what I wanted and intern wasn't honest with young lady I was with what I wanted either. This is where I take a deep breath and call up all those emotions I've tucked away since all this drama I've created in relationships in the past two years. All because I couldn't really be honest with self and really had not yet become a man who knew what he wanted and went after what he wanted yet that's the kind of theory that kinds me to believe that maybe that's the purpose of dating and getting to know someone to see if that's the type of person you want to share your journey in life with. If it's not then you say it to yourself and the other person and move on. Making sure that you've made a mental note of what you liked in that person and the things you didn't like using those reference point to "point" you to the person that comes even closer to what your ideal life partner, mate, boyfriend or girlfriend image. when you are able to admit those things to yourself it's much easier to admit them to someone in your life that you may not totally think is right for you. At least in theory it seems that way, all I know is being honest with yourself is always the first and most important step. With some it takes that trial and error and with some they know right away "this is not the person for me" and they become honest with one self and then are truthful to the person of interest and they can then they both can transition to better and more capatable relationships. I messed by not doing that at all instead I just made an unwanted situation worse and carried that same thinking and "baggage" to the next relationship not giving any time to myself to ponder or analyze my own mistakes. This to is important especially when getting out of a long drawn out "I should have been gone a long time ago relationship". When I actually took time an analyzed the situation I realized I never taken time for myself to heal or even grow or learn from my relationships I just simpled moved the luggage to an easier place "the next woman". Not dealing with my character issues or my inability to tell the truth which inturn caused me to become compulsive liar out of sheer neccessity "very sad" conitation I may add also. It simply put ruined every good relationship I could have had. I must say that unlike alot of guys I've dated a string of "great" women. As much as I've grown and learned now it's one of those sad storied of I am a little late for the "figuring out" because those possible wives or soul mates have since moved on yet as you see I'm writing this blog after just now getting over and under my own personal issues that left me empty as I am now .....